Dharma Talk - Ready Steady Go

Dharma Talk April 7 2022

Cambridge Zen Center

Customary to start with five minutes of silence.

Ready Steady Go

The Ten thousand Things I’ve learned from my week at Kyol Che this winter.

I learnedthere really is wake-up bell at 4.30. The teacher rings it outside your room. I thought this was just false advertising, to keep all the slackers. But no. What helped was a cup of tea right away. Breakfast was not far away.

I learned that there really is 108 bows. I can’t do full bows. I took the precaution of sustaining a knee injury from soccer thirty years ago and can only do half bows, or only a few full bows. So I decided to do a few full bows, increase each day. Bad idea. My knee got very sore. So I did half bows. I assumed 108 bows was a general guideline, that it was an approximation, that no body was actually counting. So I decided to count. Number One on the way down (or half down) and Number one on the way up. Number Two on the way down (or half down) and Number two on the way up. A good mindful practice by the way. And it turns out that we do bow 108 times. I was usually off by one or two, a good way to keep score. But yes, 108 is counted. 

And next I expected breakfast. 

But no. 

Chanting. 

I learned that I really do not know any of the chants, Korean or otherwise. Luckily the group was very experienced and I could hum along for the first few days, learning the tunes. I don’t have a musical voice, unless I am snoring, so I always felt very self-conscious when chanting. I also thought it was less valuable than sitting. But actually it was a really good mirror, showing when my mind was thinking. I learned that origination has at least 5 syllables. It was good. I have made friends with chanting now. 

So after a good singsong I expected breakfast, but no, there was sitting. 

I know about sitting. 30 minutes sit, 10 minutes walk. I was a bit shocked when I learned that it was two 40 minute sits. Ten whole minutes longer. And before breakfast too. I decided that maybe Kyol Che needed some checking. I suddenly became an expert on all the forms and all the timetables. Expert Mind. What needed to be changed. But thankfully that faded. I sit in an chair because of my knee. And you sit facing the outside, the beautiful frozen pond. So quiet. A squirrel would scamper by. 

I then learned that breakfast is the not the fried breakfast I expected. You know, eggs, home fries, pancakes, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms, maybe a little bit of bacon. I had given up meat and coffee in preparation, but thought there might be a bit of bacon now and then, or a few chicken nuggets. Nope. Porridge. Which was wonderful and warm, and took well to raisins and even sunflower seeds. 

I learned a lot about eating meals in the traditional temple style. A lot. It would take another dharma talk to go through it all. When I came back home, I showed my wife and kids the whole thing, and they did not believe it. Especially the hungry ghost thing. But I grew to like it. So nice to serve and be served. There were no treats at Kyol Che. I did think the cook would make a nice batch of chocolate chip cookies in the evening, but this was not so. But my treat was bread and butter at dinner. Eaten very fast. One day I did ask the teacher, who was also the cook, the amazing Kwan Haeng, if we could order in one night. He was amused but said no, even when I offered to pay. 

I learned that it really was a silent retreat. Actually that’s the question everyone asked me, Was it really in silence. Not how early, or how long, but was it always silent. For me the silence, the lack of a phone, was a wonderful relief. 

I learned that Work period was before rest period. I took the precaution of having allergies, nuts and shrimp that eat nuts. So I was assigned to chopping duty in the kitchen. Potatoes mostly. Have the Irishman chop the potatoes. In silence. That was a kong-an.

I learned that interviews were every other day. I was outraged at this. All the money I was spending on the retreat :  ) I have really gotten in kong-ans, and expected a couple of interviews a day. I was working on Duk San Carrying his Bowls. A one good for me given my fascination with food. But thankfully that gap of a day helped me digest all those preliminary answers. I also learned that sometimes reading the books about the kong-an is not that productive. The most productive is to go to an interview and work with the teacher on it. 

I learned that if you sit diligently your practice will show up. What really stuck with me was Seung Sahn’s advice to put it all down. And so I did. Clear Mind on the inbreath, and put it all down on the out breath. This was a revelation for me. I had been using the mantra What Am I, but for me that made me direct my attention to myself, that in a way I was directing my rational mind inward to find my true self. I was looking for my true self. Which is funny when you think about. My direction was inward looking for something. But putting it all down, or Letting Go, well, it stopped all that. And when that stopped, my body eased itself out of the contractions of thought. My jaw unclenched. My shoulders dropped. I let go of time, past and future. I let go of names. The names of things. I put down the whole world of thinking and naming, which is useful but not the full thing. Was wonderful. A true gift. From not only my effort, but my teacher, Kwan Haeng, and my fellow and diligent practitioners. It was very humbling to be among such a fine group of Try Try Try.

I learned other things. Rest period means sleep period. Sleep means sleep. Optional extra practice also means sleep.  

It was wonderful to finish the week, but I would have stayed another week. My main obstacle was the soreness of my body, my back and shoulders. But such joy when leaving. The sky so blue, the snow so white, the taxi so fast. I was in tears of joy seeing my family, and I learned that this practice is for me. Thank you Kwan Um. Thank you all for listening.